Newly Brunettified
My hair is short and brown. I’m a new woman. Seriously, I look completely different. Long and blonde to short and brown. Do you think it makes me look more intelligent? My husband loves it. I’m working on getting past the utter shock that courses through me everytime I see myself in the mirror.
I ran five miles yesterday. They were the most laborsome miles I’ve endured in a while. I don’t think my body was awake yet when I set out to run but I didn’t have a choice since I drive over an hour go see my beloved hairstylist and I had to get my run in during the morning. So I plodded along with a mushy mind feeling like five miles was ten and never ending. The side of my knee has been aching profusely and I think I already have symptoms of arthritis. No! I’m to young! Don’t take me now!
Today I’m feeling a little anxious. Tonight is another ALIVE bible study. My husband and I go back two and 1/2 years with this group. After I returned from college (go VT Hokies!) in 2004 I was asked to help start this ministry for young adult singles by the youth minister at my church. Philip, then just a guy from the community that showed up one day, got on board helping with the leadership and together we’ve seen it through thick and thin, dated through it, got married and are still strongly called to it. We’ve watched it increase in number, not a problem when college kids are home for summer or holidays, but declining tremendously during the fall and spring semesters. As of now we have about 10-12 coming consistently from the community and a small local college. It’s exhausting and exciting to embark into uncharted territory and watch the Lord do what He’s done in our group. But I still get anxious. Every Thursday I bring something to share with the girls that come. Nothing profound, just a solid thirty minutes of scripture and discussion. We do our little bible study, rabbit trails and all, and I can breathe easier for the next week knowing that at least up to this point there is still something offered through our bible study that is worth coming to. It’s needed. It’s refreshing. We enjoy each other. Most importantly, the girls realize the importance of fellowship with like-minded Christians who are in the same place in life.
I have yet to learn how to separate myself from leadership opportunities enough to not take a lack of numbers personally. This group is very, VERY close to my heart. I desire to see it rise to its full potential. As a part of Campus Crusade in college, I have tasted what it’s like to be in a thriving, driven bible study. It took sacrifice, determination, and vulnerability but it was so worth it. Those types of bible studies have to be deemed sheer treasure by each attendee or it doesn’t work. By the time I was a junior I’d learned from the example and teaching of our staff that if you have any inkling to minister to others one day, then you are called to account for how you participate in ministry now. To miss a study was a very big deal. We put exam studying on hold, projects to the side, personal drama on the backburner, work was scheduled around that precious two hours, procrastination was not allowed, we brought with us our headaches, colds, and coughs, we shared openly, our leader rarely had to report that a girl couldn’t come for some reason. There were six of us in that study. Six of us showed up unless someone was practically on their death bed. Bible study was priority. Our perspective was that bible study = eternal value. What could possibly outweight that? God gave us enough time that week to do everything else and He can certainly provide that two hours clear of distractions and duties. It’s very difficult for me not to have those same expectations now.
I am confident that the Lord is using whatever Philip has to present to the guys and I have for the girls when we get together, that’s not the issue. The issue for me is that a successful meeting with at least two or three other girls there brings me extensive joy and the occassional no-show leaves me bleeding profusely on the inside. Two weeks ago I sat in with the guys because for whatever reason there were no girls. And of course last Thursday as a holiday so tonight is rebound night. This is why I am anxious. An off week and a no-show week. What will tonight bring? And why do I get so worked up in the first place? It’s not my ministry, it’s the Lord’s. It’s not a reflection of me, it’s a reflection of another’s priorities, availability, and obedience. It’s not mine to hold, my job is to be faithful to show up with a study to facilitate. I know this in my mind. Try telling it to my heart.
Something Has Frozen Over. I have a Gym Membership!!
I’m getting soft. Yesterday I did the inconceivable. I allowed my husband to add me to his gym membership. EEK! I now have an open invitation, and even worse, paid-for pressure to show my face inside that house of Arnold-Wanna-Bes. I’ve always detested the gym. It’s not my thing. In fact, i’ve been known to attempt to dissuade a few friends from going as well. I tell them horror stories like they’re going to be hit on by smelly, sweaty men and the equipment is loaded with sweat bacteria. I’ve even pleaded with my husband to stop wanting to go to the gym because I’d feel more secure if he would just walk out our door and go on a run (too much to ask?-i think not) and then my second half can also altogether avoid the exercise insanity that occurs in that place. I don’t think my notions are out of place. Since when does a society need a building full of pedals, heavy items you lift, and fake moving mills that allow you to stay in one place? Does this remind anyone else of a caged hampster?
I feel that gyms are a sign of pathetic lifestyles. Ok well, it’s also a consequence of modern industry and technology that prevents us from walking to work and working in the fields growing our own dinner, which I can’t complain about. If our daily routine included any real physical labor then we’d be pumping iron all day burning plenty of calories and resulting in good blood pressure. But fortunately we’ve invented stuff so nstead we drive cars and order fast food from a window. This does not equal out to much calorie burning and a restful heart. I admit that we need another alternative. But does this mean an entire buildling with public exercise equipment to take off a few pounds and turn flab into muscle? What happened to going on a run, a walk, Jane Fonda exercise videos, and push-ups? Suddenly it’s expected that if you’re going to beef up, you gotta go with the herd to the gym and pay a monthly membership and sweat where many others have sweat before you and get hit on by nasty men and cringe when your spouse or family member is being oogled by the much-fitter-than-you person on the treadmill. It’s disgusting. And now I have access to this repulsion. I have no excuses for it. I buckled. I’m weak. I’m pathetic. My husband was going to go regardless of my pleas and I decided I could handle a few freeweights and resistance machines. But don’t you worry. My running career takes top exercise priority. I will be back again with a report on my encounter with the gym and many more about the glorious experience of huffing along the countryside with much more pleasant and acceptable cares like getting hit by a car and being chased by rabid animals.
